Dystopia 2
Okay guys, i promised you an “extended” post of my „dystopian“ con-experience last weekend in Dusseldorf and since I’ve got nothing else to do than floating deep within my after-con-depression (oh guys… it seems like it never was SO HARD to let go…) i thought i point out a few of my highlights for you if you like to read it. 
So, being at my first REAL The 100 convention was really spectacular and exciting on its own, but there was one particular reason i wanted to go there so, so badly, and that was, of course, Bob Morley, the light of my life, who was announced to attend. So i packed up my fave fanarts of him to let them get signed by our precious sunshine-sprout - and a really detailed plan of what i wanted to say to him (what i’ve always wanted to say to him…) when i would stand before him. I (and that’s no lie guys), i literally ‘learned my lines’. Since english isn’t my mother tongue, one of my greatest fears above all was, that i wouldn’t be able to tell him, what he as a person and his acting really means to me.
But it all went so different from what i had expected. MUCH BETTER in fact, that i could’ve hoped for! And while writing this down i’m in tears already again, because, guys… i’ve never met a more polite, understanding and welcoming person in my life when it comes to males! And i got to say EVERY LITTLE THING to him i wanted to tell him so badly.
During the saturday Meet & Greet I finally found my guts to ask him about my two fave scenes of Bellamy when it comes to Bobby’s acting skills/perfomance: The one, where Bellamy gets the news of his sister’s “death” and the scene in the rover in “Gimme Shelter”, where Bellamy has to listen while his friends are dying in the black rain unable to rush for their rescue. He humbly thanked me for my praise (that his acting in these particular scenes was really mindblowing and heartbreaking). But he told me, that he wasn't quite content with the result of the scene in the rover, bc there were so many other things on his mind that day and he thought, he could've done it much better if he'd put more effort into it, if he'd been a bit more concentrated. (Much BETTER?! I mean... what was he aiming for... to KILL us with his actual acting skills?!) And I asked him if it was difficult for him to get into the right mood for such scenes and if he’s taking some of these emotions home with him after the “cut” or whether he’s just able to shake it off, being Bob again. And he, bless him, helped me out, when i was struggling with my english, almost never lost eye-contact with me, so that i really felt understood and appreciated in that moment, and he answered, that it’s no problem for him to get into such a mood now and he doesn’t think about it much after the cut, but that there in fact was a time in his past, when it was very difficult for him. He just had to learn how to deal with it over the years. He mentioned particular scenes from other projects for examples, but that would be to detailed to write it down here. But the M & G was so much more… relaxed than i had expected, because Bob really makes you feel at ease very soon around him and takes every single question seriously, but is all about jokes and fun when the situation gets there. He’s such a lovely, humble and beautiful person. I can tell. I sat only 3 spots away at his right… And he took his glasses off and wiped them, while speaking to me. And all that little smiles and smirks and laughs. And the way he’s always (ALWAYS) running his big, strong hands through his messy curls. And the mustache… (THAT was his first question in fact, whether we’d like his mustache. He shaved himself right after the opening ceremony and before the M & G. And we told him we LOVED the mustache and and and…) It was SO EXCITING!!! And he was so effortlessly beautiful…
I got some photo-ops with Bobby too, on both days tbh. But the MOST IMPORTANT experience for me was at the autograph session, as I finally got the chance to tell him the more personal things which were so important for me to let him know. I’m so proud of myself, that I did it. I thought i wouldn’t be able to speak in proper sentences AT ALL… but i 1. got to tell him, that I think his acting/performance in my opinion is kind of an art, and that his “art” always inspires mine. (And with these words i gave him my gift, one of my original drawings of Bellamy Blake. I wanted to give him this, because i wasn’t creative in years and when i saw his performance on screen (not only in The 100) he inspired me so much that i just HAD to draw again.) He was so humble and so happy to hear this! And 2.: I finally told him, how much it personally means to me, that he speaks up for people with mental illnesses, for giving it another important voice in times like these. I almost lost my job due to illness last year and had to go through an ugly lawsuit to keep it. And it was HIS optimism, positivity and general kindness, the open way he’s dealing with his own problems and issues concerning that matter, and all the motivation he’s giving us through social media (along with the support of my family and friends of course ), that helped me through especially THIS rough time last year. I TOLD HIM THIS! I REALLY TOLD HIM THIS, ALL THESE THINGS THAT ARE SOOO IMPORTANT TO ME. And i lost my words and stood there and almost had to cry, thought i’d hyperventilate or something like this, but then… there was Bobby in all his understanding and kindness and patience and he leaned forward and softly grabbed my arms to rub them in a sweet, reassuring way, and said: “It’s okay. It’s alright, take your time. It’s okay” and i STILL HEAR HIS SOFT AND WARM VOICE and i STILL FEEL HIS HANDS ON MY ARMS and i .. can’t stop crying…
He was SO MOVED by my words, so concerned when he heard about my job. He told me, that this was EXACTLY what he was aiming for: To bring people with mental illnesses, anxities and depressions HOPE, to encourage them to go on. There will always be better times ahead. He really want to support such organisations, bc he KNOWS. He was so kind, so lovely, so comforting, so… He’s got the most beautiful soul on earth. And i couldn’t thank him enough for listening to my words and for understanding, how important this was for me.
This man really makes me wanna be a better person, to go further, to keep on going even if i’m sad or anxious. I love him so much for this motivation he’s giving me… Bless him…
On the second day Bobby signed a copy of my drawing i gave him as a present the other day. I totally forgot to take the copy with me to the first autograph-session… He just laughed and said “No worries!” and just… signed it with “May we meet again”… (No worries… noworriesnoworriesnoworries… I can’t get his voice out of my mind anymore… )
Besides these two most important moments there were SO MANY wonderful memories made that last weekend, i couldn’t possibly count them. I have special moments in mind with almost all the other actors. They were all such kind and contagiously funny people, so humble when praised and full of emotions and thankful words, especially at the end of the event. Sachin said, that THEY (the actors) are in fact the ones who had to thank US, the fans, because we’re giving them their jobs in the end. And that they all had so much FUN with us, especially at the Karaoke-Party that saturday night!
GUYS!!! GUYS!!! I KNOW all the fuss about Bobby and Sachin kissing and so on. BUTTTT!!!! I literally witnessed Sachin and Tasya FRENCH-KISSING that evening too!!! FRENCH-TONGUE-KISSING!!! What the fuck is happening??? Haha! I never yelled so long and often like i did at THAT party, guys!!! Our hymn „Radioactive“ motivated even the LAZIEST buddy to come up and join the whole bunch by screaming the lyrics into the night air. Our bby’s where SO DRUNK!!! And of course… two of the highlights of that evening were Richard Harmon singing „Torn“ by Natalie Imbruglia with such a „WELTSCHMERZ“, that it was almost too much to watch and NOT to break down with laughter, and Bobby Morley, with his hair styled in little pig-tails, who was ROARING „Sweet dreams“ by Marilyn Manson. Or „Your sex is on fire“ btw… (Bob yelling „Your sex is on fire“ is something from another planet, guys… I nearly choked… JFC…) You really could see, that the stars had a GREAT time and felt very comfortable with us and that whole event. What a feeling…
With autographs from Sachin and Chelsey (i had a small chat with Sachin about his little cameo in the first new X-Files season and he was so excited about it! He LOVES the X-Files. But when I said that i’d love The 100 even more he gave me the thumbs up. ) i completed my collection of achievements from this marvellous ride named „Dystopia 2“ and i’m SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY to have witnessed almost all the panels, to have been able to talk to Bobby SEVERAL times, to share so many HUGSSSS with him (!), to see the AMVs and costumes so many talented peeps of the fandom created especially for THIS event, to get to know all these incredibly kind and lovely and patient stars, who never gave you the feeling that you aren’t special or understood at all, and last but not least about the fact that there will be a „Dystopia 3“ next year!!! HAHA! Something to look forward to in this post-con-depression i stuck in… Well… kinda. While i was writing this it magically disappeared somehow… At least mostly…
Last but NEVER least I’d like to thank (again and again and again… i simply have not enough WORDS to thank her) my everlasting soulmate/sister in crime merlination for being there for me all the way through the con-weekend, for reassuring and motivating me when i was feeling anxious or sad or angry, for sharing my devotion and love and all these important, precious moments with me. FOR BEING HAPPY AND NERDY WITH ME!!!
WE ARE. Always and forever. And we experience the most amazing things, dear. I love you.
MAY WE MEET AGAIN, sweeties! It was a n unforgettable ride! It was heartwarming and overall one of the greatest experiences in my life so far. I’ll never forget. And the word of the convention (besides „Beerkru“ of course )) ) is: THANKFULNESS. I am deeply grateful. Can’t wait to see you next year, guys! <3<3<3
Dystopia 2 - I am coming!
*fingers crossed* 
I'm incredibly excited to finally meet (and greet
) the light of my life Mr Morley in person. I think I'll die tbh... Lalalaaa. What a nice kind of death. My biggest fear (besides the fact, that it's always possible that a celebrity cancels a convention due to different reasons) is, that I couldn't find the right words to say thank you to Bobby.
His general optimism, positivity and support of people with mental health issues inspires me so much and helped me a lot, especially during the last year, when I almost lost my job bc of illnesses. I just want to find the right words at the right time... Is that too much to ask? *sigh* But I'm so afraid of my own anxiety taking over in these precise moments I'll stand in front of him... I hope so much that the "now or never"-thought will help me through this. All in all: I'm SO SO HAPPY to have the opportunity to meet him and all the other lovelies from the cast of The 100! 
I want to do this right! Please! Haha, whatever. If these are my only fears and thoughts these days... I think I'm doing alright in general, don't you?
My creativity is back! After the last year... kind of a miracle, let me tell you...
Thank you Bobby, thank you whomever I have to thank , that all this crap lies behind me now...
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, eh?
Also: We save who we can save today. My new motto.
Have a nice day, lovelies!
Anne
aka MorgainePendragon
aka pendragaryen@tumblr.com
To go further...
I'll always be thankful for our Merlin-years. And I'll always look forward to visit our castle of dreams in Pierrefonds, France, or take the opportunity to meet one of our beloved cast members at a convention or something like that.
But tbh... I had no idea that my love for any kind of a series could possibly go deeper. But it DOES. And it was, again, my beloved Rogi37 who brought me to it. At least, she was the one who first mentioned it towards me. And out of curiosity I started to watch "The 100" and BOOM... I never loved another - or something like that... Wasn't that Arthur's words?
I'll always love the Arthurian Legend itself, or Arthur Pendragon for that matter. It's part of my inner self. Of my very soul. It was long before BBC's Merlin. And it will be, when this show will be forgotten. But "The 100"... inspires me in a very different, very... realistic kind of way. Although it's set in an alternative universe, it's a far more tangible story for me. The characters are very real with down to earth problems. There's no such thing as solely good, and no solely bad. Every figure has so many layers. That's what makes it so attractive for me. Not to mention Bob Morley's acting skills. His portrayal of Bellamy Blake completely and utterly captured me. It touches my heart in a way, a dorky Arthur Pendragon never could. Hard to say so, but the plain truth. The dorkiness... never appealed to me in the first place. That's what made the whole Merlin-adventure so hard for me to watch in the end. A King Arthur who's dorking around... Wth... (This excludes the BTS-material of course. I always LOVED our cast-dudes and their playfulness on set! This will never change.) But I love the... seriousness of "The 100". This makes it far more exciting for me. And Bob Morley... completely owns my everything now. Can't help it. It was the first time, that I fell in love with someone/an actor for his skills first. And then, and very strongly, for his handsomeness. His freckles. His hairrrr. His lips... His... EVERYTHING... He's such an amazing actor and I'm constantly stunned by his skills. I never made that kind of experience before. Because... well... Some people are born with it, some not. And this is kind of a gift he has. I'm so happy he's decided to share it with us, to show it to us. Hope to see far more about him in future.
So now I'm looking forward to visit the Polaris-Con in Frankfurt in June this year. I'm so excited to meet my new lovelies! To say to Bobby, how much his acting inspires me! To draw again! To even write again! Never thought I could do this again tbh... I'm so salty... And I'm so thankful he exists...
Thanks to whomever, I'm kinda living and fangirling again. I'm happy. And hopefully, there will be more love for me in the future.
See ya, guys!
EDIT: Sorry for my absence lately. More on tumblr actually.
I think this is just a phase... We'll see... Cannot stop blogging all about "Merlin". 
I'm still not over this series yet... 
Let's keep the Merlin-candle burning!!! 
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Gosh...
How can I possibly describe what I feel about what happened to us? To US, who never dare to hope to see so much epicness on one spot, in only three little days. But we have. And we'll never ever forget...
I'm an ocean of tears right now. The thought, that this should be indeed the last season of the series "Merlin", this humorous, beautiful, touching interpretation of the Arthurian Legend, really pierces me. But it seems that this gets more and more obvious for all of us.
So the last week me and my dear friend Rogi37 were there again, in Pierrefonds in France, where they were filming the 5th season of "Merlin". We stayed there for the 2nd time this year, but last time we missed the cast and crew by two little days and now... the full epicness unfolded before us.
Can't find the words to say what that means to me, as a long year-lover of the Arthurian Legend. And now seeing those sweet, nice and very sexy cast-members giving all these legendary names like Arthur, Guinevere, Percival, Gwaine and most and above all Merlin, these stunning, beautiful faces we all know and love... One of the best moments in my entire life. Hopelessly exaggerated, but for me it is the truth, I can tell, because it's only one, but the PERFECT, embodiment of all these epic characters I loved half of my life...
They were all such cuties, really! So nice! Colin smiles WHENEVER we've seen him.
Katie/Morgana was SHINING -and so did Angel/Guinevere 
, the knights were laughing most of the time 
, and especially our beloved once and future king Bradley James was in an excellent mood these days - we were all stunnend by his smiles and smirks... Wtf? 
They passed us by once and once again, very close, so close that you could've touched them. We made many photos and films, but it's weird to look at them now and to understand, that this had REALLY happened to US. We lived the legend! Our dreams and hopes turned into REALITY! How that? I still don't get it... It was overwhelming...
We saw ALL of them filming. Except Katie McGrath/Morgana. But to my surprise we nonetheless had the chance to watch her go by one bright and early morning - along with Alexander Vlahos/ (Spoiler ahead!!!! Mordred!), Sir Richard Wilson/Gaius and Rupert Young/Sir Leon, followed by a sweet and bright smiling Colin Morgan/Merlin and last but not least by Bradley James/Arthur, who smirked all around and threw out TWO breathtaking "G'mornings"!!!
Really, we were all shocked... Although... I managed to answer. Yes... I did. Me... WHATEVER??? I addressed Sir Gwaine/Eoin Macken with an enthusiastic "BONJOUR", as he passed by, and he REALLY RETURNED THAT TO ME! My heart...
On the last, full day we were on set, there was a really... breathtaking, important moment for me in the courtyard, because I suddenly had to face Mr James alone (without Rogi or my other friends!!! Gosh...
), together with other, strange fans I didn't know, as he walked by, very relaxed and laughing, alongside his mother (There were rumours in the air, that she was his mother. And yes, now we are sure.^^) and Tom Hopper/Sir Percival. A surreal, very special moment, I can say. The persons I so admire, that I only knew from TV, DVD, WWW, pictures... ALIVE... and in COLOUR right before my eyes. And that again and again.
I can tell this whole trip was epicness.
Nothing less.
We missed some Colin-scenes and Bradley giving autographs later on, what REALLY broke our hearts. But we had other special and wonderful moments with them like a Colin Morgan picking up a bunch of flowers once and once again. Not to forget the whole big filming-scene at the first day in the courtyard: So many knights and capes and horses! And a Guinevere running down the epic stairs of the guestwing, repeatedly shouting "Arthur!" - over and over again.
It was so awesome.
Being there for the first time while filming was made, it also seems it was our last time. I REALLY hope, that this wouldn't come true so fast. One other season would be great to give this the whole epic ending it deserves... (All the tragedy, I'm afraid they never get into the series, whether or not there will be a season 6... >.< But I still hope.) Yeah, let us hope. That we'll have the chance to return to France, to meet our new friends there and this epic, epic people of the "Merlin"-crew and cast again.
Let's all hope the best.
Oh and I'll try and give you some photos here during the next days, if I could manage to edit them after work.
Geeeeeeez, folks, THIS was a fairytale come true.
I'm so happy, that we have made this journey. And so thankful...
A special, very special thanks to my Rogi and that she made this marvellous trip with me... Ever and ever again: We will be. I know it. WE WILL TOTALLY BEAT THEM!
Cause I've got the magic phrase... And I'll forever miss every single, exciting moment of it.
Arthur...
I've seen him... Finally...
Whatever...Omg...
Bye for once...
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EDIT December 2012
The end...
of Merlin.
"Bradley James (King Arthur) said: "The Merlin years have provided me with fond memories, great experiences and beloved friends and all the while we were supported by a devoted fan base who made the show a unique, surreal and special experience. My words won't do justice to the honour of being King Arthur so I shall just say that it has been an exceptional one and that knowing the show has been a part of so many people's lives, has been humbling."
Colin Morgan (Merlin) commented: "From the beginning this was always going to be a five year journey that we embarked on and I think the show has run its natural course. The show has grown and grown each year and now we've arrived at its strongest point and we've achieved what we set out to do… I know this is the end, and I know this is goodbye, but thank you for being there on the journey with us because it has been a lot of fun!" —
'Merlin' cast react to show's end
It will take some time, until I'll find comfort in the memory of it all. Don't cry, because it's over. Smile, because it happened, eh? Bullshit. Right now my heart is broken. Right now I'm gonna mourn the death of this heartwarming series. It hurts much more than I've expected. We all suspected it in a way after all these rumours, but it hurts nonetheless. The writers failed in many ways, I admit that. But there are so many things much more important than that - not at least this beautiful, amazing, funny and touching interpretation of these well known characters by the awesome cast we all learned to love. It was so unique...
The first year of my Merlin-love turned out to be the last. This pierces me. Oh I think I will remember and love it and be thankful for what I experienced. But not now. Not now...
The king is dead.
Long live the king.
I will always love and follow my OTP. And my OT4. Colin, Angel, Katie... Bradley. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Thank you for beeing the perfect embodiment of the characters I love since childhood. I will remember. And I'll hope, that the movies will come up one day. I will celebrate my fave series whenever I like.
I will cheer up, like "HI, ANGEL!" all the way, because I had the chance to be part of it. (In a time...)
And I will hold up the love - and spread it.
So... 4 more episodes to go.
The battle of Camlann at last.
I so will hate/love this.
Shit....
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EDIT May 2013:
Seen it. Again. For the 4th time. Seen the ever last eps last night AGAIN. What am I, mad or something?!
I have no words anymore. It is one thing to KNOW how the legend ends. And a completely other to really watch him die. And this is exact the same feeling which I had at the first time I saw this. I think this will never get better. NEVER. Whenever I see that my heart will be ripped into tiny little pieces. I cried like hell and felt no relief.But it's the only chance to have him near. The only way for someone like me. So I have to stay 'til the very end. And that's it.
My king...
Today… It feels like a hangover. Really. Harder than the last times after seeing this. I don't wanna let go. I don't want something so good, so unique and fantastic to end. I DON'T WANT! And I miss him like hell. Gosh, guys… The whole day, every hour, every minute. And he will never be Arthur again. I can't understand this.
COME BACK, PLEASE!
Would you at least be so kind and DO something, Bradley?! This will never give me my Arthur back, I know. But I hope that it'll comfort me a bit…
There is a hole inside my chest.
Hurts so much…
Shit.
Wish us luck, PLEASE! Oh please, let us see them... Hug you all! ~~~~
Edit 2012/09/04: The countdown runs... OMGOMGOMGOMG...
~~~~
Counting the days...
In about two weeks... my dearest friend an myself will be back in France... back at Pierrefonds...
O M G ! ! ! !
I'm not joking if I tell you: I DREAM about that event... I'm so nervous... So excited...
It's the last schedule of "Merlin"-filming in France this year, and we will go back there for truly getting the chance to see our beloved ones... Arthur/BJ, his majesty captain WOW
... Merlin/Colinnnnn, follow my voice, Colinnnn ... Morgana/Katiiiiiiiiie ... Gwen/Angel 
... And the knights ... The roundtable ... Omgomgomgomgomgomg.... Only to see them... to get some good shots of them... That would be enough for me to die with a smile on my face... Gosh, guys, please, let us have some luck! A once in a lifetime chance... I don't wanna miss it! And if it should rain heavily... And if there should be a thunderstorm, an earthquake, WHATEVER... I'LL TAKE THIS CHANCE!!!
And most and for all I'm so gladful, that my dear friend Rogi has the time to travel with me again, that she really wants it and likes to do this either... Another few, precious days in Camelot - this time with the cast and crew at work. I thank you so much for this chance, even if it's a small one.
At this moment I had a feeling that I could burst into tears every second... I'm so happy, so hopeful, so thankful, so in love with all of that, the whole theme... the Arthurian legend. My first love... And now... Pierrefonds... Again... My body... my brain... under electricity. I swear.
Can't believe it. Wow...
Is this really true? Is this happening to ME? (But don't worry Merlin-fans........
) What e ver...And I'm looking forward to our unique travel-soundtrack in car... For all the balls... the sticks... the pyramids at the freeway...
You're the voice... and yes we HAVE the chance to turn the pages over... We'll have the power to be powerful, Mrs. H...
Two weeks...
Only two little weeks...
WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Morgaine (aka Mado-chan)
PS: I hope to get some good photos... I'll tell you when we're back.^^ Wish us luck, please!